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Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.

Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.
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Nuclear Plants Left Vulnerable

Federal regulators rejected nuclear policy group requests to increase security at California nuclear power plants, protecting them from aerial attack. What do you think?
  • "Good. All this country needs is more big government sticking its nose into the private business of nuclear power."

    Oren Musburger Stereo Salesman
  • "Quite a shrewd political move. With California and its 55 electoral votes wiped off the map, the Democrats don't stand a chance in '08."

    Sean Friel Paper Maker
  • "Why would the terrorists go through the trouble of an aerial attack when it's so easy to drive right up to the plant and attack from the ground?"

    Katie Pompillio Shoe Repairer
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