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Man Hoping Game Gets Out Of Hand So He Can Do Something Else

DENVER—Settling into his apartment’s cramped living room to watch the midday game, local man Garrett Neubauer told reporters Wednesday that he hoped the televised baseball game between the Colorado Rockies and the San Francisco Giants would get out of hand soon so he could do something else.

20 Years Of Harry Potter

J.K. Rowling published ‘Harry Potter And The Philosopher’s Stone’ on June 26th, 1997, and it instantly became a cultural touchstone. The Onion looks back at the most important moments in the 20-year history of the Harry Potter franchise.

Pros And Cons Of The Gig Economy

Americans are increasingly using on-demand services, both as workers and consumers. Here are the major benefits and drawbacks of the gig economy.
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Nuke Fears Spark Potassium Iodide Poisoning

Poison control centers are starting to receive calls from people who are experiencing negative side effects from potassium iodide pills ingested due to fear that radiation from Japan will hit U.S. shores. What do you think?

  • "So instead of controlling your own destiny, you'd rather just wait and see whether the radiation threat was real or not? Not me, mister."

    Miguel Allen Systems Analyst
  • "And some of those people injured themselves trying to use the telephone."

    Patsy Rizzo Ankle-Patch Molder
  • "At a minimum, this sexes up the usual humdrum of ‘My child drank Drano!’ life at the poison control center a bit."

    Dutch Newmark Modeler

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