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Nuke Secrets Found In Meth Lab

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Voyager Probe Badly Damaged After Smashing Into End Of Universe

PASADENA, CA—Confirming that several components had broken off the craft and that most of its scientific instruments were no longer operational, officials from NASA’s Jet Propulsion Laboratory announced that Voyager 1, the pioneering space probe launched in 1977, had been severely damaged Thursday after crashing into the end of the universe.

Leaked Documents Reveal Studio Executives Knew About ‘Gods Of Egypt’ Before It Released Onto Public

SANTA MONICA, CA—Suggesting that the disastrous events of three months ago could have been averted, federal investigators stated Wednesday that a trove of leaked documents confirmed high-ranking studio executives had full knowledge of Gods Of Egypt long before the film was released onto unsuspecting Americans.Investigators described those who allowed such a screenplay to be carried out as “extremely sick and heartless individuals.”

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The Arguments For And Against Bernie Sanders Staying In The Race

Bernie Sanders is ramping up his efforts in the presidential race despite long odds, while sharpening his criticisms of a Democratic Party increasingly focused on the general election with Hillary Clinton as their presumptive nominee. Here are the arguments for and against Sanders staying in the race
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Nuke Secrets Found In Meth Lab

Three flash drives from the Los Alamos nuclear facility were recently recovered during a meth raid. What do you think?
  • "We should make it a general rule not to give classified items to individuals with holes in their cheeks."

    Diane Carlson Gallery Designer
  • "The really sad part is that all three flash drives were filled with porn."

    Larry Hoover Systems Analyst
  • "Let's just pray this war on drugs doesn't escalate."

    Irv Mancetti Groundskeeper

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