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‘The Princess Bride’ By The Numbers

‘The Princess Bride’ was released 30 years ago today, and it has since become a classic beloved by people of all ages. ‘The Onion’ looks back at ‘The Princess Bride’ 30 years later.

National Zoo Announces Giant Pandas To Divorce

WASHINGTON—Assuring the public that the decision was difficult but the right thing to do for all parties involved, the Smithsonian National Zoological Park announced Friday that their giant pandas would be divorcing.

New Climate Change Report Just List Of Years Each Country Becomes Uninhabitable

GENEVA—Stating that the data published within its pages represented the scientific consensus of top researchers around the world, the U.N. Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change released its annual report this week, which consists solely of an alphabetized list of every country on earth and the years each of them will become uninhabitable.
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Nuke Secrets Found In Meth Lab

Three flash drives from the Los Alamos nuclear facility were recently recovered during a meth raid. What do you think?
  • "We should make it a general rule not to give classified items to individuals with holes in their cheeks."

    Diane Carlson Gallery Designer
  • "The really sad part is that all three flash drives were filled with porn."

    Larry Hoover Systems Analyst
  • "Let's just pray this war on drugs doesn't escalate."

    Irv Mancetti Groundskeeper

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