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The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:

A Timeline Of The EPA

A recently introduced House bill that would dissolve the Environmental Protection Agency questions the value of what this agency does and what its goals are. The Onion provides a timeline of the EPA’s 47-year history:
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Number Of Blacks In Military Down

A Defense Department report states that the percentage of blacks among active-duty recruits fell from 20 percent to 13 percent since the Afghanistan and Iraq wars began. What do you think?
  • "Of course. Iraq has deteriorated to the point where blacks are practically safer in D.C."

    Angela Fisher Pastry Chef
  • "I think it's a cultural thing. Blacks just seem to not like fighting in mismanaged quagmires as much as whites do."

    Louis Haberman Systems Analyst
  • "Crap. Soon we won't have any troops left 'cause all the white soldiers will try to be cool by imitating the black soldiers."

    Eric Gill Ticket Broker
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