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Politics

Man In Center Of Political Spectrum Under Impression He Less Obnoxious

MT. VERNON, OH—Loudly explaining to anyone within earshot that both the left and right were ruining the level of discourse in this country, Jesse Levin, a man firmly in the center of the political spectrum, is under the impression that he is less obnoxious than those with more partisan viewpoints, sources reported Friday.

What Is Trump’s Relationship With White Nationalism?

Since the weekend’s violent protests in Charlottesville, VA, many have criticized President Trump for his failure to outright condemn the white supremacists involved. The Onion breaks down Trump’s relationship to this powerful hate group.

Ruth Bader Ginsburg Returns To Off-Season Lifeguarding Job

ALEXANDRIA, VA—Saying she hadn’t missed a summer since she was on the U.S. Court of Appeals, Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg said Tuesday that she had once again returned to her off-season lifeguarding job at Splash Central waterpark.

President’s American Manufacturing Council Down To CEO Of Shoe Carnival

WASHINGTON—Following a series of resignations from prominent CEOs amid the fallout from President Trump’s handling of white-nationalist violence in Charlottesville, VA, White House sources confirmed Tuesday that Trump’s American Manufacturing Council is now down to a single member, Clifton Sifford, CEO and president of Shoe Carnival.

What To Expect From James Comey’s Book

Former FBI director James Comey is writing a book due out next spring about leadership, decision-making, and his time at the FBI. Here’s what to look for when the book is released.
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Number Of Illegal Immigrants Declining

A study from the Pew Hispanic Center found that with the economy continuing to falter, the number of illegal immigrants in the U.S. has dropped for the first time in 20 years. What do you think?

  • "Does this mean a 25-cents-a-day apple-picking position is finally open?"

    Delia Long Systems Analyst
  • "Maybe they’ve finally cottoned to the tactic of not saying they came here illegally."

    Jason Munro Prison Guard
  • "So a strong economy would bring back the illegals? Now I see why that rat Obama has been pushing for economic recovery."

    Bob Kimball Substance Abuse Counselor

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