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Woman Conducting Ongoing Scientific Experiment On Own Skin

DULUTH, MN—Noting her methodic applications of various chemical agents in carefully controlled combinations, sources confirmed Wednesday that local woman Sara Holloway has been carrying out an open-ended scientific experiment on her own skin.

Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.
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NYC Approves Apartment Building With Separate ‘Rich Doors,’ ‘Poor Doors’

The New York Department of Housing Preservation and Development has approved plans for an apartment complex that has separate “rich doors” for luxury apartment owners and “poor doors” for those who live in its 55 affordable housing apartments, units the developer agreed to include in the building in exchange for tax breaks. What do you think?

  • “Once again, the middle class gets ignored.”

    Anthony McKay Segment Producer
  • “Wouldn’t it be easier just to make them crawl on their hands and knees through the regular door?”

    Stephanie Mison HR Generalist
  • “Oh great, so we’re just giving the poor free doors now?”

    Phil Hahn Systems Analyst
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