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NYC Hopes To Ban Oversized Sodas

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360 Tour: Inside The RNC

The Onion invites you to explore our view from the floor of the 2016 Republican National Convention in Cleveland.

Good Guy With Gun, Bad Guy With Gun Both Excited To Unload Firearm In Crowd Outside Arena

CLEVELAND—As each of them looked around at the people gathered outside Quicken Loans Arena and fantasized about unholstering their weapon and taking aim directly at others, both a good guy with a gun and a bad guy with a gun attending the Republican National Convention reportedly worked themselves into a heightened state of excitement Thursday at the thought of unloading their firearm into the crowd.

Bob Dole Picked Off By Large Hawk Circling Arena Parking Lot

CLEVELAND—Describing how the bird of prey suddenly dived down from the sky at high velocity, sources confirmed Thursday that former GOP presidential nominee Bob Dole was picked off by a large red-tailed hawk circling above the Quicken Loans Arena parking lot.
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NYC Hopes To Ban Oversized Sodas

New York mayor Michael Bloomberg announced that he would seek to ban the sale of any soda or other sugary beverage larger than 16 ounces. What do you think?

  • “This is going to be a huge blow to businesses that charge people a quarter to use their toilets.”

    Lois Taylor Systems Analyst
  • “I'm a New York resident who often does not finish the last one-fourth of his can of soda. Can I qualify for a tax credit?”

    Kent Harris Rock-Drill Operator
  • “So instead of getting a 24-ounce soda, I now have to pay more and get two 16-ounce sodas? How much Coca-Cola stock does Bloomberg own?”

    Dane Metzler Jacquard-Loom Fixer

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