adBlockCheck

Recent News

Fermilab Receives Generous Anonymous Particle Donation

BATAVIA, IL—Calling it the most substantial private donation the research facility has received in years, officials at the Fermi National Accelerator Laboratory announced Monday that an anonymous benefactor had given them a generous particle donation.

God Excited About First Trip To Japan

THE HEAVENS—After years of talking about visiting the East Asian country, God, Our Lord and Heavenly Father, told reporters Monday that He was excited to finally be taking His first trip to Japan.

Most Anticipated Panels At Comic-Con

San Diego Comic-Con kicks off tomorrow, and this year’s schedule is packed with must-see events. Here are the most highly-anticipated panels of Comic-Con 2017.

Listen, Area Boss Gets It

PHILADELPHIA—Readily admitting that everything you’re saying makes a lot of sense, Greenwave Media accounts manager Bryan Mellis confirmed on Wednesday that he totally gets it.
End Of Section
  • More News

NYC Restaurant Has Diners Eat In Silence

The Brooklyn restaurant Eat, which serves local farm-to-table fare, has gained popularity with its $40 four-course prix fixe menu nights in which the patrons, waiters, and chefs are not allowed to speak at all. What do you think?

  • “But my wife has all these great stories about how her coworker Cheryl screwed her over!”

    Adam Penotti Dry Cleaner
  • “The only reason I even go out to restaurants is for the chance to get to know a new waiter.”

    Steve Timoney Auction Assistant
  • “My eyes say it all anyway.”

    Rita King Electron Tube Assembler

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close