Obama Announces Major Climate Change Policy

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Vol 49 Issue 26

Progressive Charter School Doesn’t Have Students

ATLANTA—One year into its founding as the purported “bold next step in education reform,” administrators on Monday sang the praises of Forest Gates Academy, a progressive new charter school that practices an innovative philosophy of not ...

Government Bans Sugary, Fatty Snacks From Schools

Under the government’s new “Smart Snacks in Schools” guidelines, schools will no longer be allowed to stock vending machines or snack bars with treats exceeding 200 calories or those including trans fats.

Magic Skateboard

PBS 3 p.m. EDT/2 p.m. CDT In this spinoff of The Magic School Bus, Mrs. Frizzle and her class hop on the magic skateboard and try to land a 360 varial inside the principal’s small intestine.

Senate Passes Immigration Reform Bill

With 14 Republicans joining Democrats, the Senate passed a sweeping immigration reform bill yesterday, which would provide a 13-year path to citizenship for the nation’s illegal immigrants, though the bill faces strong opposition from House Republic...
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Man Commits To New TV Show Just Hours After Getting Out Of 7-Season Series

UNION CITY, NJ—Recommending that he give himself the chance to pause and explore the other options out there, friends of local man Jonathan Gember expressed their concerns to reporters Wednesday that the 29-year-old is already committing to a new television show just hours after getting out of a seven-season-long series.

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Obama Announces Major Climate Change Policy

President Obama announced a new effort to combat climate change today, saying he would use executive orders to help cities and states cope with extreme weather, fund renewable energy sources, and cap carbon emissions at power plants. What do you think?

  • “Pardon me, Mr. President, but the Constitution says I can emit as much carbon as I want.”

    Jay Milhoan
    Unemployed
  • “Blew the dust off the ol’ climate change speech, eh?”

    Randy Bromilow
    Aircraft Electrician
  • “Fine, you guys don’t have to use it. More coal for me.”

    Miranda DeSouza
    College Registrar
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