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Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.

Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.
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Obama Announces Major Climate Change Policy

President Obama announced a new effort to combat climate change today, saying he would use executive orders to help cities and states cope with extreme weather, fund renewable energy sources, and cap carbon emissions at power plants. What do you think?

  • “Pardon me, Mr. President, but the Constitution says I can emit as much carbon as I want.”

    Jay Milhoan Unemployed
  • “Blew the dust off the ol’ climate change speech, eh?”

    Randy Bromilow Aircraft Electrician
  • “Fine, you guys don’t have to use it. More coal for me.”

    Miranda DeSouza College Registrar
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