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Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 24, 2017

Aquarius No offense, but when got into this business, dealing with empty and meaningless futures like yours sure as hell wasn’t what it had in mind. Pisces Though you’ve been told that dressing up once in a while wouldn’t kill you, the coroner’s report this week will contain evidence to the contrary.

How Trump Plans To ‘Drain The Swamp’

One of Donald Trump’s central presidential campaign promises was to “drain the swamp” by ridding Washington politics of corruption and corporate influence. Here’s how he plans to do it.

Keys To The Matchup: Packers vs. Falcons

The NFC Championship Game pits the Atlanta Falcons against the Green Bay Packers for the rare chance to play a meaningful game in Houston. Onion Sports breaks down what each team must do to win.
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Obama Announces Major Climate Change Policy

President Obama announced a new effort to combat climate change today, saying he would use executive orders to help cities and states cope with extreme weather, fund renewable energy sources, and cap carbon emissions at power plants. What do you think?

  • “Pardon me, Mr. President, but the Constitution says I can emit as much carbon as I want.”

    Jay Milhoan Unemployed
  • “Blew the dust off the ol’ climate change speech, eh?”

    Randy Bromilow Aircraft Electrician
  • “Fine, you guys don’t have to use it. More coal for me.”

    Miranda DeSouza College Registrar

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