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Frontier Airlines Tells Customers To Just Fucking Deal With It

‘You’re Uncomfortable For A Few Hours And Then You Get To Be Somewhere Else,’ Says CEO

DENVER—Noting that some discomfort should be expected while traveling to a faraway place in just a few goddamn hours, officials from ultra-low-cost carrier Frontier Airlines reportedly told customers Thursday to just fucking deal with it.

Top Family Vacation Spots

With school out for the summer, families are packing up and hitting the road. Here are The Onion’s top family vacation destinations.

Veteran Given Hero’s Welcome Back To Afghanistan

KABUL, AFGHANISTAN—Waving flags and breaking into cheers the moment they spotted the veteran, dozens of joyous citizens gave Marine Pfc. Victor Rosas, 23, a hero’s welcome back to Afghanistan, sources reported Tuesday.

OB-GYN Assures Serena Williams Fetus Developing Serve On Schedule

WEST PALM BEACH, FL—Observing that the unborn child was producing the smooth, fluid strokes expected in the third trimester, ob-gyn Dr. Theresa Umbers reportedly assured world No. 4–ranked tennis player Serena Williams at an appointment Tuesday that her fetus was developing its serve right on schedule.
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Obama Calls For Climate Change Action

President Barack Obama surprised many in his inaugural address yesterday by singling out the threat of global warming and vowing to make the fight against climate change a top priority in his second term. What do you think?

  • “Oh man, it’s a good thing no Republicans were watching.”

    Ray Lim Magnetic Tape Winder
  • “Saying that climate change must be addressed is one thing. Half-heartedly attempting to pass watered-down legislation on the issue is another.”

    Nick Corso Unemployed
  • “This is just another distraction from finding out what really happened at Benghazi!”

    Leslie Ferrara Gusset Maker

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