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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
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Obama Calls For Climate Change Action

President Barack Obama surprised many in his inaugural address yesterday by singling out the threat of global warming and vowing to make the fight against climate change a top priority in his second term. What do you think?

  • “Oh man, it’s a good thing no Republicans were watching.”

    Ray Lim Magnetic Tape Winder
  • “Saying that climate change must be addressed is one thing. Half-heartedly attempting to pass watered-down legislation on the issue is another.”

    Nick Corso Unemployed
  • “This is just another distraction from finding out what really happened at Benghazi!”

    Leslie Ferrara Gusset Maker

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