adBlockCheck

Recent News

Woman Conducting Ongoing Scientific Experiment On Own Skin

DULUTH, MN—Noting her methodic applications of various chemical agents in carefully controlled combinations, sources confirmed Wednesday that local woman Sara Holloway has been carrying out an open-ended scientific experiment on her own skin.

Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.
End Of Section
  • More News

Obama Calls For Mapping Human Brain

President Barack Obama is calling for a 10-year, $3 billion joint public-private project to map the human brain, saying the Brain Activity Map would lead to medical and scientific breakthroughs and provide a boon to the national economy. What do you think?

  • “He better not start poking around in the part where I remember the location of my spare house key.”

    Megan Hutton Fuel Attendant
  • “You just know all those crazy Obama supporters will probably back this ridiculous plan, especially if it could lead to more effective treatments of brain diseases such as Alzheimer’s and autism.”

    Gaston Van Dam Steam Cleaner
  • “I could see some interesting scientific discoveries resulting from this experiment, but you don’t want to go inside this ol’ noodle of mine. Seriously, it’s a complete shit show in here.”

    Chuck Dekker Ripsaw Operator
More Videos

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close