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Politics

Black Man Out Of Work

WASHINGTON—Joining the ranks of the unemployed at a time when joblessness remains stubbornly high among African Americans, 55-year-old local black man Barack Obama has lost the full-time job he has held for the past eight years, sources confirmed Friday.

Departing Obama Tearfully Shoos Away Loyal Drone Following Him Out Of White House

‘Go On Now, Git,’ Says Former President

WASHINGTON—Stopping and turning around as he made his way across the South Lawn after hearing the unmanned aerial vehicle hovering just feet behind him, outgoing President Barack Obama tearfully shooed away a loyal MQ-9 Reaper drone attempting to follow him out of the White House, sources confirmed Friday.

Jimmy Carter Contemplating Dying Right Here And Now

WASHINGTON—Carefully weighing the pros and cons of each option from his seat onstage at Donald Trump’s inauguration, former president Jimmy Carter is, according to late-breaking reports, currently contemplating dying right here and now.
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Obama Delivers State Of The Union

Last night, President Barack Obama delivered his second State of the Union address. What do you think?

  • "I'm going out to win the future right now!"

    Tabitha Sharkey Lighting Equipment Operator
  • "For all his talk about bipartisanship, Obama didn't mind delivering the State of the Union without letting a single Republican speak, did he?"

    Danny O'Neill Mail Handler
  • "I really enjoyed watching the rejected visions for America's future they showed during the closing credits."

    Ward Bradley Systems Analyst

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