Obama Inaugurated

Top Headlines

Recent News

Most Likely Candidates For Trump’s Cabinet

If elected president, Donald Trump will have the opportunity to nominate up to 15 cabinet members, each advising him on executive departments. Here are the most rumored choices for Trump’s inner circle.

Cake Just Sitting There

Take It

CHICAGO—Assuring you that there was nothing to worry about and not a soul around who would see you, sources confirmed Tuesday that a large piece of chocolate cake was just sitting there and that you should go ahead and take it.

Siblings Each Hoping Other One Will Take Care Of Aging Parents Someday

CLEVELAND—Explaining that they simply didn’t want to have to deal with the immense time commitment and emotional exhaustion, sisters Katie and Ellen Cattell each privately admitted to reporters this week that they were hoping the other sibling would someday be the one to take care of their aging parents.
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next

Obama Inaugurated

While Barack Obama officially took the presidential oath of office yesterday in a private ceremony, a public swearing in will occur on the Capitol steps today, followed by two inaugural balls and performances by the likes of Beyoncé and James Taylor. What do you think?

  • “It’s good they keep the real ceremony private. I don’t think the general public could handle seeing the president drinking all that blood from George Washington’s skull.”

    Ruth Hitchcock Acoustics Physicist
  • “It’s absolutely ridiculous that there’s even one inaugural ball given that the Benghazi matter is still very much under investigation."

    Leslie Ferrara Gusset Maker
  • “Nothing says presidential like some ‘Fire and Rain.’”

    Art Orloff Bodyguard


Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close