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‘The Princess Bride’ By The Numbers

‘The Princess Bride’ was released 30 years ago today, and it has since become a classic beloved by people of all ages. ‘The Onion’ looks back at ‘The Princess Bride’ 30 years later.

National Zoo Announces Giant Pandas To Divorce

WASHINGTON—Assuring the public that the decision was difficult but the right thing to do for all parties involved, the Smithsonian National Zoological Park announced Friday that their giant pandas would be divorcing.

New Climate Change Report Just List Of Years Each Country Becomes Uninhabitable

GENEVA—Stating that the data published within its pages represented the scientific consensus of top researchers around the world, the U.N. Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change released its annual report this week, which consists solely of an alphabetized list of every country on earth and the years each of them will become uninhabitable.
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Obama Losing Global Appeal

A Pew Research Center poll indicates that President Barack Obama’s popularity is slipping around the globe, due in part to disapproval of drone airstrikes. What do you think?

  • “He better watch out, or the rest of the world might decide to vote for Romney in November.”\

    Jane Carroll Systems Analyst
  • “Look, we can send in flying deathbots to do the dirty work, or we can invade your country and level it. You choose, but we gotta do something.”

    Nick Joseph Inside-Plant Supervisor
  • “Hold up. I’m not going to stand here while some filthy foreigner talks smack about the president I hate.”

    Ed Wilmot Nickel Plater

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