adBlockCheck

Recent News

How Amazon Plans To Expand

After years of rapid growth and expansion into new industries, Amazon recently announced that it would be opening a second headquarters outside of Seattle. Here are Amazon’s plans for continued growth.

Report: Americans Now Get 44% Of Their Exercise From Licking

WASHINGTON—Saying the practice accounted for a sizable portion of the nation’s physical activity on any given day, a new report published Tuesday by researchers at the National Institutes of Health revealed that Americans currently get 44 percent of their exercise from licking things.

‘Lost Dog’ Poster Really Tooting Dog’s Horn

BROOKLYN, NY—Claiming the flyer could really stand to tone it down a little, sources said a lost dog poster that began appearing in Brooklyn’s Fort Greene neighborhood Tuesday was really tooting the dog’s horn.
End Of Section
  • More News

Obama Presides Over Secret 'Kill List'

According to The New York Times, President Obama approves every name added to a classified “kill list” of terrorists and has made himself the final arbiter of whether or not to order a strike when an opportunity arises. What do you think?

  • "That’s smart. Making a to kill list increases the likelihood you’ll get those people killed."

    Frank Spinell Sewer-Pipe Offbearer
  • "I can't say I agree with the decision to put Mitt Romney on there, but then again, I'm not president."

    Karen Munro Mainstreaming Facilitator
  • "Cool! I mean, no president should have that unchecked power. I don't know. I'm confused."

    Adrien Clayton Quiller Tender

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close