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Fermilab Receives Generous Anonymous Particle Donation

BATAVIA, IL—Calling it the most substantial private donation the research facility has received in years, officials at the Fermi National Accelerator Laboratory announced Monday that an anonymous benefactor had given them a generous particle donation.

God Excited About First Trip To Japan

THE HEAVENS—After years of talking about visiting the East Asian country, God, Our Lord and Heavenly Father, told reporters Monday that He was excited to finally be taking His first trip to Japan.
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Obama Proposes Lowering Corporate Tax Rate

In an attempt to raise revenues, President Obama proposed a plan that would simplify the corporate tax code, lower the corporate tax rate from 35 percent to 28 percent, and eliminate numerous loopholes. What do you think?

  • "This is exactly the sort of idea that Republicans will deny they've been saying for 30 years."

    Melissa Cutler Systems Analyst
  • "A lot of people forget that corporations are real legal persons, just like us."

    Hugo Frith Knock-Up Assembler
  • "Not sure. Give me a few minutes to get out my calculator and my IRS corporate tax rate tables and crunch some numbers."

    Matt Krause Parking Lot Signaler

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