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Obama Raises $60 Million In May

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360 Tour: Inside The RNC

The Onion invites you to explore our view from the floor of the 2016 Republican National Convention in Cleveland.

Good Guy With Gun, Bad Guy With Gun Both Excited To Unload Firearm In Crowd Outside Arena

CLEVELAND—As each of them looked around at the people gathered outside Quicken Loans Arena and fantasized about unholstering their weapon and taking aim directly at others, both a good guy with a gun and a bad guy with a gun attending the Republican National Convention reportedly worked themselves into a heightened state of excitement Thursday at the thought of unloading their firearm into the crowd.

Bob Dole Picked Off By Large Hawk Circling Arena Parking Lot

CLEVELAND—Describing how the bird of prey suddenly dived down from the sky at high velocity, sources confirmed Thursday that former GOP presidential nominee Bob Dole was picked off by a large red-tailed hawk circling above the Quicken Loans Arena parking lot.
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Obama Raises $60 Million In May

During May, Obama and the Democratic Party raised a combined $60 million for his reelection campaign, bringing his total to $450 million. What do you think?

  • “That amount may sound impressive, but keep in mind that’s in 2012 dollars.”

    Carmen Sincock Systems Analyst
  • "I hope he uses it to buy a new suit. That's not the only thing he should spend it on, but Americans really like a professional-looking president."

    Doug Ripp Bolt Sawyer
  • "First guy to $1 billion wins, right?"

    Keith Flanagan Bonding-Machine Setter

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