Obama Renews Calls To Close Guantánamo

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Vol 49 Issue 18

Tuesday, May 14

Author and ecologist Michael Strandley will be at the Cameron Library on Tuesday discussing his lifelong work with bears and why he thinks they’re overrated.

No One In Limo Going To Prom With The One They Wanted

INDEPENDENCE, MO—None of the six students in the white stretch limousine presently en route to Harry Truman High School’s senior prom are attending the event with the person they wanted to be their date, sources reported this evening.
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Healthy Living

  • The Onion’s Guide To Gym Etiquette

    Every new year brings a surge in gym membership from new members nicknamed “resolutionists,” many of whom may be unaware that there are unspoken rules everyone must observe when working out.

Obama Renews Calls To Close Guantánamo

President Barack Obama renewed his 2008 campaign promise to close the detention facility at Guantánamo Bay, where roughly 100 detainees are currently on a hunger strike that has required many of them to be force-fed by special medical personnel. What do you think?

  • “Plenty more undisclosed offshore prisons where that came from.”

    Angela Dowers
    Systems Analyst
  • “Yeah, Obama’s a big one for renewing calls.”

    Kendrick Beugg
    Package Designer
  • “Man, I wish someone would force-feed me.”

    Gary Wallin
    Produce Washer
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