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Bill O’Reilly Tearfully Packs Up Framed Up-Skirt Photos From Desk

NEW YORK—Smiling wistfully as he gazed at the cherished mementos that had sat on his desk for much of the past 20 years, former Fox News commentator Bill O’Reilly reportedly grew teary-eyed Thursday as he packed up the framed up-skirt photos from his work space following his termination by the cable channel.

Donald Trump Jr. Takes Son On Hunting Trip In National Zoo

WASHINGTON—In what he referred to as an important rite of passage for his 8-year-old son, Donald John III, Donald Trump Jr. took his eldest boy to the Smithsonian National Zoological Park for his first-ever hunting trip, sources said Wednesday.

Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.
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Obama Skipping Memorial Day Ceremony

President Obama has angered critics with his decision to vacation in Chicago over Memorial Day and let the vice president lay the traditional wreath at Arlington National Cemetery. What do you think?

  • "No doubt to get together with his Acorn pals and register dead Illinois veterans in case the Democrats need some extra votes come November.”

    Colin Thomas Systems Analyst
  • "Seriously? Is the Arlington National Cemetery ceremony really so complicated that they can't just move it to wherever Obama is gonna be? Let's remember who's in charge here."

    Nadia Whitman Opaquer
  • "I can't say I'm not disappointed, but at least there's a good chance Biden will treat us to a solemn, dirty limerick."

    Charles Jones Jammer Operator

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