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Black Man Out Of Work

WASHINGTON—Joining the ranks of the unemployed at a time when joblessness remains stubbornly high among African Americans, 55-year-old local black man Barack Obama has lost the full-time job he has held for the past eight years, sources confirmed Friday.

Departing Obama Tearfully Shoos Away Loyal Drone Following Him Out Of White House

‘Go On Now, Git,’ Says Former President

WASHINGTON—Stopping and turning around as he made his way across the South Lawn after hearing the unmanned aerial vehicle hovering just feet behind him, outgoing President Barack Obama tearfully shooed away a loyal MQ-9 Reaper drone attempting to follow him out of the White House, sources confirmed Friday.

Jimmy Carter Contemplating Dying Right Here And Now

WASHINGTON—Carefully weighing the pros and cons of each option from his seat onstage at Donald Trump’s inauguration, former president Jimmy Carter is, according to late-breaking reports, currently contemplating dying right here and now.
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Obama To Return 5% Of Salary To Government

Showing his solidarity with federal employees who have been furloughed due to sequestration budget cuts, President Barack Obama decided to return 5 percent of his $400,000 annual salary to the Treasury. What do you think?

  • “Typical Obama. Doing something that I’m going to have a problem with no matter what it is.”

    Mark Studenny Occupational Therapist
  • “As if the Treasury could use any more money.”

    Dean Sorvino Feed Weigher
  • “Those poor Obama girls, having to go to Sidwell Friends School barefoot.”

    Joy Zimmitti Cadmium Burner

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