Obama Tough On Iran At U.N.

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Vol 48 Issue 39

The Science Of Sex

Discovery 9:00 p.m. EDT/8:00 p.m. CDT Scientists take an up-close look at what attracts us to each other and why, using clinical words for stuff like “cock” and “fucking.”

Tragic Accident Kills Aspiring Living Person

BOISE, ID—According to friends and family, the automobile accident that claimed the life of area youth Evan Laskin this week tragically cut short the prospects of a talented 18-year-old who had aspired his whole life to be a living person. Those clo...

Voting Begins In Iowa

More than a month before Election Day, residents of key swing state Iowa began casting their ballots at designated polling locations yesterday as part of the state’s early voting process.

Robot Butler

Fox 9:30 p.m. EDT/8:30 p.m. CDT A drink order does not compute, so Robot Butler murders everyone.
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Spring

Productivity

Scientists Posit Theoretical ‘Productive Weekend’

CAMBRIDGE, MA—Challenging long-accepted scientific convention, a group of leading MIT scientists published a report Thursday positing that, under certain rare and specific conditions, a so-called “productive weekend” is theoretically pos...

Obama Tough On Iran At U.N.

Taking a break from the campaign trail, President Barack Obama delivered an address to the United Nations General Assembly this morning in which he stated that time was running out to curb Iran’s nuclear program through diplomacy. What do you think?

  • “Sometimes I wish Iran would just get nukes so we could talk about something else.”

    Vicki Scollard
    Upholstery Bundler
  • “We should just teach Iran to make nuclear weapons, but teach them wrong so when they launch one, it’s just a giant stink bomb.”

    Lee Capizzi
    Unemployed
  • “Actually, it doesn’t sound like he took a break from campaigning at all.”

    Nathan Negrete
    Celluloid Trimmer
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