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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
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Obama Tough On Iran At U.N.

Taking a break from the campaign trail, President Barack Obama delivered an address to the United Nations General Assembly this morning in which he stated that time was running out to curb Iran’s nuclear program through diplomacy. What do you think?

  • “Sometimes I wish Iran would just get nukes so we could talk about something else.”

    Vicki Scollard Upholstery Bundler
  • “We should just teach Iran to make nuclear weapons, but teach them wrong so when they launch one, it’s just a giant stink bomb.”

    Lee Capizzi Unemployed
  • “Actually, it doesn’t sound like he took a break from campaigning at all.”

    Nathan Negrete Celluloid Trimmer

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