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Man Holding Hands With Pregnant Woman Must Have Weird Fetish

RED BANK, NJ—Testing the limits of what even the most progressive onlookers considered publicly acceptable, a man was seen by multiple witnesses Tuesday holding hands with a visibly pregnant woman in what many could only interpret as the expression of a bizarre fetish.

Grandma Looking Like Absolute Shit Lately

VERO BEACH, FL—Unable to ignore the 86-year-old’s dramatic physical decline since they last saw her, sources within the Delahunt family reported Monday that their grandmother Shirley is looking like absolute shit lately.
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Obama Vows To Raise Minimum Wage

President Obama delivered his annual State of the Union address last night, in which he most notably highlighted the income inequality gap in the United States and asked Congress to raise the federal minimum wage from $7.25 to $10.10 an hour. What do you think?

  • “A minimum wage increase is long past due, but come on. Who needs to be making double figures every hour?”

    Sissy Buhler Fabric Dyer
  • “It was classic Obama, the way he stood there and delivered a bunch of messages to Americans.”

    Tony DiDonato Olive Oil Importer
  • “If poor people had more money, they’d just blow it on buying things.”

    Harry Zane Systems Analyst

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