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Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.
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Obama Will Not Preempt Football

President Obama promised that Thursday's jobs address to Congress would not conflict with the NFL season opener between Green Bay and New Orleans. What do you think?

  • “So, in terms of the most powerful branches of government, it now goes legislative, sporting, judicial, and executive?”

    Keith Harkness Log Scaler
  • "Think of all the jobs he’s sustaining in the beer-drinking, snack-eating, and obscenity-hurling sectors!"

    Sarah Peth Weight Analyst
  • "This seems sort of pointless. Doesn't everyone in Congress have a job?"

    Marty Lake Mold Filler
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