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Woman Conducting Ongoing Scientific Experiment On Own Skin

DULUTH, MN—Noting her methodic applications of various chemical agents in carefully controlled combinations, sources confirmed Wednesday that local woman Sara Holloway has been carrying out an open-ended scientific experiment on her own skin.

Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.
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Obamas Get New Dog Named Sunny

Saying that their dog Bo could use more canine interaction, the Obamas welcomed a second dog to their family Monday, a 14-month-old female Portuguese Water Dog named Sunny for her cheery disposition. What do you think?

  • “Obama needs all the unconditional love he can get right now.”

    George Lange Unemployed
  • “If this is all an elaborate setup so they can say ‘Sunny, Bo, no!’ when the dogs misbehave, then well done, Obamas.”

    Elsie De Banzie Malted Milk Mixer
  • “Okay, but where does it stop? Three dogs? Four dogs? I would be fine with up to seven dogs.”

    Don Borsos Heating Element Repairer
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