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New EPA Chief Proposes 30% Cut In All Carbon-Based Organisms

WASHINGTON—Expressing confidence that the nation would meet the ambitious benchmarks by the end of Donald Trump’s presidential term, Scott Pruitt, the president-elect’s nominee for chief of the Environmental Protection Agency, said Thursday he would seek a 30 percent cut in all carbon-based organisms upon assuming office.

Tips For Hotel Etiquette

Staying in a hotel can be a fun and luxurious experience, but it requires consideration of the guests around you. The Onion presents its guide to hotel etiquette:
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Obama's Second Term Mired In Scandal

President Obama’s second term is off to a rocky start, with the acting IRS chief stepping down, the Justice Department seizing journalists’ phone records, and Republicans continuing to allege a high-level cover-up of the Benghazi attack last September. What do you think?

  • “Plus there was that whole thing with Michelle getting bangs.”

    Jack Doubleday Orchard Pruner
  • “Hey, have you thought about adding ‘-gate’ to the end of all those?”

    Felicity Griffiths Systems Analyst
  • “Oops! You forgot to mention the authorization of drone attacks that kill hundreds of innocent people.”

    Ian Edwards Cheese Production Supervisor

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