adBlockCheck

Recent News

How Amazon Plans To Expand

After years of rapid growth and expansion into new industries, Amazon recently announced that it would be opening a second headquarters outside of Seattle. Here are Amazon’s plans for continued growth.

Report: Americans Now Get 44% Of Their Exercise From Licking

WASHINGTON—Saying the practice accounted for a sizable portion of the nation’s physical activity on any given day, a new report published Tuesday by researchers at the National Institutes of Health revealed that Americans currently get 44 percent of their exercise from licking things.

‘Lost Dog’ Poster Really Tooting Dog’s Horn

BROOKLYN, NY—Claiming the flyer could really stand to tone it down a little, sources said a lost dog poster that began appearing in Brooklyn’s Fort Greene neighborhood Tuesday was really tooting the dog’s horn.
End Of Section
  • More News

Obama's Speech Moved Indoors

Due to the likelihood of severe storms, President Obama’s acceptance speech tonight at the Democratic National Convention has been moved from the 73,000-seat Bank of America Stadium to the 20,000-seat Time Warner Cable Arena. What do you think?

  • “Remember, voters, this is yet another broken promise from Barack Obama.”

    Layne Crum Unemployed
  • “I hope his prepared speech wasn’t all about how great it was to be standing outside.”

    Kai Mashimo Carpenter
  • “You know who else liked being inside? Karl Marx.”

    Todd Lopez Kosher Kitchen Overseer

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close