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Breaking: ACLU Hard As A Fucking Rock Right Now

NEW YORK—In response to President Trump’s declaration that transgendered Americans would no longer be permitted to serve in the military, the ACLU announced Wednesday that it was hard as a fucking rock right now.

Voter Fraud: Myth Vs. Fact

Concerns over fraudulent voting have grown since the 2016 election, with President Trump himself claiming that millions of people voted illegally. The Onion debunks some common myths about voter fraud.

Fermilab Receives Generous Anonymous Particle Donation

BATAVIA, IL—Calling it the most substantial private donation the research facility has received in years, officials at the Fermi National Accelerator Laboratory announced Monday that an anonymous benefactor had given them a generous particle donation.
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Obama's Speech Moved Indoors

Due to the likelihood of severe storms, President Obama’s acceptance speech tonight at the Democratic National Convention has been moved from the 73,000-seat Bank of America Stadium to the 20,000-seat Time Warner Cable Arena. What do you think?

  • “Remember, voters, this is yet another broken promise from Barack Obama.”

    Layne Crum Unemployed
  • “I hope his prepared speech wasn’t all about how great it was to be standing outside.”

    Kai Mashimo Carpenter
  • “You know who else liked being inside? Karl Marx.”

    Todd Lopez Kosher Kitchen Overseer

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