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Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.

Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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Obama's State Of The Union

President Barack Obama delivered his third State of the Union last night. What do you think?

  • “Yeah! We got bin Laden!”

    Irene Klenk Deposit Clerk
  • “I'm surprised he didn't take some time to mention the great strides made by Domino’s in improving their cheesy bread.”

    Connor Braunohler Systems Analyst
  • "I support incentives for the return of industrial jobs to the U.S., but I ain't fucking working for Master Lock."

    Miles Doughty Wheel Cutter
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