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Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.

Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.
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Obese Americans Get Less Than 4 Hours Of Exercise Per Year

According to a new study from researchers at the University of Alabama, the average obese American gets fewer than 4 hours of “vigorous exercise” per year, with obese men averaging 3.6 hours of vigorous exercise per year and obese women getting about an hour. What do you think?

  • "They're missing out on one of the great joys of life: bragging about your exercise routine."

    Gabrielle Strause Capture Manager
  • "Yeah, but that's not their thing. Partying and doing cannonballs into swimming pools is their thing."

    Royce McGowan Bank Chairman
  • "Thank god I'm a lean, mean, 6-hours-of-exercise-per-year machine."

    Dustin Peerce Career Consultant
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