Obesity On The Rise

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How To Reform The Nation’s Prison System

With pressing issues such as overcrowding, overuse of solitary confinement, and the long-term incarceration of nonviolent offenders, many critics of the nation’s prison system are calling for sweeping reforms. Here are some of the proposals to improve the prison system:

Sight Of 400 War Elephants On Horizon Marks Hillary Clinton’s Arrival In Swing State

WHEELING, OH—Feeling the earth shake beneath them as they watched the procession climb over the foothills of the Appalachian Mountains toward their village, sources along the Ohio border confirmed Thursday that the sight of 400 war elephants marching on the horizon marked Democratic presidential candidate Hillary Clinton’s arrival to the critical swing state.

WNBA MVP Devastated After Roommate Moves Out Without Any Warning

CHICAGO—Saying she is now desperately searching for any options that will prevent her from being evicted, Chicago Sky forward and 2015 WNBA MVP Elena Delle Donne was reportedly left scrambling Thursday after her roommate moved out of their apartment without any warning whatsoever.

Impressive New Hire Figures Out Bare Minimum Of Work Job Requires On First Day

MILWAUKEE—Marveling at his extraordinary ability to learn the ropes at the technology firm and quickly fit right in with the rest of his colleagues, sources at Starpoint Solutions confirmed Thursday that impressive new hire Eric Myers has already figured out the bare minimum of work his job requires on the very first day.
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Obesity On The Rise

The National Center for Health Statistics recently announced that 64.5 percent of American adults are overweight or obese. What do you think?
  • "It's a sin to waste food, and America just happens to have 16 boxes of almost-expired Ding Dongs for every man, woman, and child."

    Norine <br>Barrodale
    Loan Clerk
  • "If they knew the pain and humiliation of being obese, scientists wouldn't do these studies."

    Joseph Ortiz
    Machine <br>Operator
  • "For your information, there are those who appreciate the curvy hips and ample breasts of a full-figured man, thank you very much."

    Don Watson
  • "And with the insidious new alliance between Donald Trump and Grimace, it's only going to get worse."

    Dennis <br>Moreland
    Systems <br>Analyst
  • "This study buys into fascist media images about what is and isn't a leading cause of heart disease."

    Eve Huffman
  • "The Clean Plate Club is big--bigger than anyone realizes. Look for a man named 'Boy-Ar-Dee.' There's your story."

    Dana Harrison
    Radiation <br>Therapist