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Obesity On The Rise

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Jogger Clearly On First Run Of Plan To Turn Life Around

CHICAGO—Taking note of the man’s beat-up tennis shoes, sweat-drenched shirt, and ill-fitting pair of sweatpants as he made his way down the sidewalk, witnesses reported Tuesday that area jogger Dan Andreychuk was clearly out on his very first run of a plan to turn his life around.

What’s At Stake In New Hampshire

With the New Hampshire primary election Tuesday poised to impact the course of the 2016 presidential race, The Onion examines what’s at stake for the candidates
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Obesity On The Rise

The National Center for Health Statistics recently announced that 64.5 percent of American adults are overweight or obese. What do you think?
  • "It's a sin to waste food, and America just happens to have 16 boxes of almost-expired Ding Dongs for every man, woman, and child."

    Norine <br>Barrodale
    Loan Clerk
  • "If they knew the pain and humiliation of being obese, scientists wouldn't do these studies."

    Joseph Ortiz
    Machine <br>Operator
  • "For your information, there are those who appreciate the curvy hips and ample breasts of a full-figured man, thank you very much."

    Don Watson
    Paperhanger
  • "And with the insidious new alliance between Donald Trump and Grimace, it's only going to get worse."

    Dennis <br>Moreland
    Systems <br>Analyst
  • "This study buys into fascist media images about what is and isn't a leading cause of heart disease."

    Eve Huffman
    Optometrist
  • "The Clean Plate Club is big--bigger than anyone realizes. Look for a man named 'Boy-Ar-Dee.' There's your story."

    Dana Harrison
    Radiation <br>Therapist

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