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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
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Obesity Rates Falling Among U.S. Preschoolers

A new report from the CDC found that rates of obesity among preschool-aged children from low-income families fell slightly in 18 states between 2008 and 2011, the first time researchers have seen a decline in decades. What do you think?

  • “They’ve got time to catch up.”

    Calvin Goodson Crate Builder
  • “It’s these kinds of marginal improvements that give me not hope exactly, but certainly slightly less dread for the future.”

    Margaret Romano Swimming Pool Installer
  • “Sounds like someone deserves a pizza party!”

    Brent Melhase Genealogist

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