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The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:

A Timeline Of The EPA

A recently introduced House bill that would dissolve the Environmental Protection Agency questions the value of what this agency does and what its goals are. The Onion provides a timeline of the EPA’s 47-year history:
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Obesity Rates Plateau

Government health officials report that obesity rates in the United States have leveled off. What do you think?
  • "I don't get it. Did we run out of food?"

    Penelope LeBlanc Systems Analyst
  • "I hope obesity rates don’t start actually decreasing. I’m barely considered attractive by comparison as it is."

    Gabe Clail Housepainter
  • "At last, medical science has finally acknowledged the ‘big-boned’ phenomena."

    Keith Sherwood Watch Repairman
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