Obesity To Skyrocket By 2030

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Vol 48 Issue 38

The Bird Sniffer

PBS 8:00 p.m. EDT/7:00 p.m. CDT Ornithologist and acclaimed odor-describer Dr. Charles Wemple attempts to get a rare whiff of a freshly hatched ivory-billed woodpecker before the mother pecks the bejeezus out of his face.

Area Mom Was Waiting In The Car For 20 Minutes

LEXINGTON, MA—According to sources within the car-pool lane at Lexington High School, your mom has been waiting for you in the car for over 20 minutes, and now she’s going to be late, which is just great.

That Chair Over There

No one’s using it at the moment. Go ahead, take a seat. You can always get up if someone comes back.
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Obesity To Skyrocket By 2030

According to projections from health advocacy organizations, more than half the adult population in 39 states will be clinically obese by 2030, with Mississippi predicted to lead the nation with an obesity rate of 67 percent. What do you think?

  • “So if I want to someday have sex with an American, I should do it now?”

    Dee Dee Shea
    Rhinestone Setter
  • “Cool, look how ahead of my time I am. I’m already a fat fuck.”

    Roberta Altamura
    Animal-Hospital Clerk
  • “Ugh, and as if that weren’t bad enough, imagine how old everyone will be by then.”

    Don Rhodes
    Winch Operator
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