Obesity To Skyrocket By 2030

Top Headlines

Recent News

Most Likely Candidates For Trump’s Cabinet

If elected president, Donald Trump will have the opportunity to nominate up to 15 cabinet members, each advising him on executive departments. Here are the most rumored choices for Trump’s inner circle.

Cake Just Sitting There

Take It

CHICAGO—Assuring you that there was nothing to worry about and not a soul around who would see you, sources confirmed Tuesday that a large piece of chocolate cake was just sitting there and that you should go ahead and take it.

Siblings Each Hoping Other One Will Take Care Of Aging Parents Someday

CLEVELAND—Explaining that they simply didn’t want to have to deal with the immense time commitment and emotional exhaustion, sisters Katie and Ellen Cattell each privately admitted to reporters this week that they were hoping the other sibling would someday be the one to take care of their aging parents.
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next

Obesity To Skyrocket By 2030

According to projections from health advocacy organizations, more than half the adult population in 39 states will be clinically obese by 2030, with Mississippi predicted to lead the nation with an obesity rate of 67 percent. What do you think?

  • “So if I want to someday have sex with an American, I should do it now?”

    Dee Dee Shea Rhinestone Setter
  • “Cool, look how ahead of my time I am. I’m already a fat fuck.”

    Roberta Altamura Animal-Hospital Clerk
  • “Ugh, and as if that weren’t bad enough, imagine how old everyone will be by then.”

    Don Rhodes Winch Operator


Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close