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Keys To The Matchup: Packers vs. Falcons

The NFC Championship Game pits the Atlanta Falcons against the Green Bay Packers for the rare chance to play a meaningful game in Houston. Onion Sports breaks down what each team must do to win.

Black Man Out Of Work

WASHINGTON—Joining the ranks of the unemployed at a time when joblessness remains stubbornly high among African Americans, 55-year-old local black man Barack Obama has lost the full-time job he has held for the past eight years, sources confirmed Friday.

Departing Obama Tearfully Shoos Away Loyal Drone Following Him Out Of White House

‘Go On Now, Git,’ Says Former President

WASHINGTON—Stopping and turning around as he made his way across the South Lawn after hearing the unmanned aerial vehicle hovering just feet behind him, outgoing President Barack Obama tearfully shooed away a loyal MQ-9 Reaper drone attempting to follow him out of the White House, sources confirmed Friday.
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Occupy Toronto

Following a three-hour discussion, participants in the Occupy Toronto movement took to the streets, marching from St. James Park to Dundas Square, and then back. What do you think?

  • "I'm happy to be here supporting. This kind of oppositional defiance is really appropriate for my personal brand."

    Chester Pelo Systems Analyst
  • "Three hours to agree to a two-kilometer round-trip stroll? Well, obviously these guys are serious."

    Julie LaChapelle Flagger
  • "Ugh. I knew if we all circled back to pick up Chad’s windbreaker we’d come off looking like assholes."

    Seth Chartrand Unemployed

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