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Fermilab Receives Generous Anonymous Particle Donation

BATAVIA, IL—Calling it the most substantial private donation the research facility has received in years, officials at the Fermi National Accelerator Laboratory announced Monday that an anonymous benefactor had given them a generous particle donation.

God Excited About First Trip To Japan

THE HEAVENS—After years of talking about visiting the East Asian country, God, Our Lord and Heavenly Father, told reporters Monday that He was excited to finally be taking His first trip to Japan.
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Occupy Wall Street Growing

Last week, Occupy Wall Street, the movement attempting to shine a light on corporate excess and greed, was joined by United Airlines pilots, Metropolitan Transit Authority workers, and Michael Moore. What do you think?

  • "Finally, something to do in the Financial District after 6 p.m."

    Paul Bowles Systems Analyst
  • "I assume you're stopping me because you saw my great protest sign and now you want to ask me how I got the glitter to stay on the poster board without falling off. I'll never tell you my secrets."

    Lauren James Nodulizer
  • "I don’t think the protests will accomplish much unless they have signs. Wait, do they have signs?!"

    David Green Hardener

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