adBlockCheck

Recent News

Keys To The Matchup: Packers vs. Falcons

The NFC Championship Game pits the Atlanta Falcons against the Green Bay Packers for the rare chance to play a meaningful game in Houston. Onion Sports breaks down what each team must do to win.

Black Man Out Of Work

WASHINGTON—Joining the ranks of the unemployed at a time when joblessness remains stubbornly high among African Americans, 55-year-old local black man Barack Obama has lost the full-time job he has held for the past eight years, sources confirmed Friday.

Departing Obama Tearfully Shoos Away Loyal Drone Following Him Out Of White House

‘Go On Now, Git,’ Says Former President

WASHINGTON—Stopping and turning around as he made his way across the South Lawn after hearing the unmanned aerial vehicle hovering just feet behind him, outgoing President Barack Obama tearfully shooed away a loyal MQ-9 Reaper drone attempting to follow him out of the White House, sources confirmed Friday.
End Of Section
  • More News

Occupy Wall Street Growing

Last week, Occupy Wall Street, the movement attempting to shine a light on corporate excess and greed, was joined by United Airlines pilots, Metropolitan Transit Authority workers, and Michael Moore. What do you think?

  • "Finally, something to do in the Financial District after 6 p.m."

    Paul Bowles Systems Analyst
  • "I assume you're stopping me because you saw my great protest sign and now you want to ask me how I got the glitter to stay on the poster board without falling off. I'll never tell you my secrets."

    Lauren James Nodulizer
  • "I don’t think the protests will accomplish much unless they have signs. Wait, do they have signs?!"

    David Green Hardener

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close