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Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.

Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.
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Octopus Species Filmed Mating Face-To-Face

The Pacific striped octopus, long suspected of being more social than its fellow species, was recently filmed by researchers mating face-to-face and otherwise demonstrating tight bonds with its partner, challenging conventional understanding of the octopus as a solitary, cannibalistic creature. What do you think?

  • “Seems like all the media can talk about these days is octopus sex.”

    Christian Peebles Assembly Scheduler
  • “That reminds me, I should remove ‘face-to-face mating video’ from my Google Alerts.”

    Wayne Huff Jigsaw Puzzle Cutter
  • “It’s a shame they’ll never know the joy of sex strengthened by holy matrimony.”

    Melanie Nelson Rock Climbing Guide
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