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Tips For Back-To-School Shopping

As kids prepare to go back to school, parents are tasked with providing all the supplies and clothes they’ll need for the year. Here are The Onion’s tips for tackling back-to-school shopping.

Report: Sky Normal Today

WASHINGTON—Informing citizens there really wasn’t anything special going on up there, the nation’s scientists confirmed the sky is normal today.
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Octopus Species Filmed Mating Face-To-Face

The Pacific striped octopus, long suspected of being more social than its fellow species, was recently filmed by researchers mating face-to-face and otherwise demonstrating tight bonds with its partner, challenging conventional understanding of the octopus as a solitary, cannibalistic creature. What do you think?

  • “Seems like all the media can talk about these days is octopus sex.”

    Christian Peebles Assembly Scheduler
  • “That reminds me, I should remove ‘face-to-face mating video’ from my Google Alerts.”

    Wayne Huff Jigsaw Puzzle Cutter
  • “It’s a shame they’ll never know the joy of sex strengthened by holy matrimony.”

    Melanie Nelson Rock Climbing Guide

More from this section

Report: Sky Normal Today

WASHINGTON—Informing citizens there really wasn’t anything special going on up there, the nation’s scientists confirmed the sky is normal today.

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