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Mom In Nightgown Mode

APPLETON, WI—Noting that the changeover occurred “right on schedule” after she had finished the dishes and watched TV for an hour or two, family sources confirmed Monday night that local mom Linda Rampling had officially transitioned into nightgown mode.

Car Rolls Up To Stoplight Blasting Google Maps Directions

HOUSTON—Attracting the attention of adjacent motorists and nearby pedestrians who turned their heads to see where the booming noise was coming from, a 2006 Ford Focus is said to have rolled up to a local stoplight Friday blaring Google Maps directions.

34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.
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Octuplets Doing Well

The second set of octuplets born in the United States is doing well, with all reportedly breathing on their own. What do you think?
  • "Uh oh. Eight Aquariuses living under the same roof for the next 18 years—yikes."

    Gina Lobell Systems Analyst
  • "So does that mean that one is gay, three are below the poverty line, three have a bachelor's or associate's degree, and two are divorced?"

    Brent Kubesch Demand Planner
  • "Aw, isn't that just precious! Aw, isn't that just precious! Aw, isn't that just precious! Aw, isn't that just precious! Aw, isn't that just precious! Aw, isn't that just precious! Aw, isn't that just precious! Aw, isn't that just precious!"

    Michael Carpenter Manager of Assembly Operations

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