Ohio Candidate Calls It Quits

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Fact-Checking The Third Presidential Debate

Presidential nominees Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump sparred over subjects including foreign policy, the economy, and their fitness to hold the nation’s highest office in the final debate Wednesday. The Onion examines the validity of their assertions

Intergalactic Law Enforcement Officers Place Energy Shackles On Hillary Clinton

PARADISE, NV—Materializing through a dimensional portal in front of a stunned audience at the University of Nevada, Las Vegas, intergalactic law enforcement officers reportedly appeared onstage during Wednesday night’s presidential debate and placed a pair of glowing blue energy shackles on Democratic nominee Hillary Clinton.

Trump Complains Entire Personality Rigged Against Him

WEST PALM BEACH, FL—Responding to his flagging poll numbers and a string of newspaper editorials and cable news pundits questioning his fitness to lead, Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump reportedly complained to a rally crowd Thursday that for the entirety of this race, his personality has been rigged against him.

Fact-Checking The Second Presidential Debate

Democratic nominee Hillary Clinton and Republican nominee Donald Trump discussed topics including national security, taxes, and their ongoing personal scandals in a contentious town hall presidential debate Sunday. The Onion evaluates the truthfulness of their claims

Trump Vomits Immediately After Seeing Everyday Americans Up Close

ST. LOUIS—His face turning deathly pale and beads of cold sweat forming on his brow as he took his seat for the town hall forum at Washington University, Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump reportedly vomited directly onto the debate stage Sunday night upon viewing everyday Americans up close.
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Ohio Candidate Calls It Quits

Congressman Bob Ney, who is under investigation for his dealings with lobbyist Jack Abramoff, has abandoned his campaign for reelection. What do you think?
  • "The Bob Ney I know is a man of integrity. The Bob Ney I know is a man of honor. The Bob Ney I know is a doctor in Sarasota, Florida."

    Vicki Shields Union Organizer
  • "Ney is only backing out because he wants to spend more time with his family—all of whom he bills at $700 an hour."

    Bob Partenheimer Meat Cutter
  • "Can you blame him? Being a congressman isn't nearly as lucrative since this whole corruption crackdown."

    Andy Bernstein Systems Analyst


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