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34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.

Mom Produces Decorative Gift Bag Out Of Thin Air

LEXINGTON, MA—Conjuring the item into existence along with several sheets of perfectly coordinated tissue paper, local mother Caroline Wolfson, 49, reportedly produced a decorative gift bag out of thin air Tuesday within a mere fraction of a second of her daughter mentioning she needed to wrap a present.

Cake Just Sitting There

Take It

CHICAGO—Assuring you that there was nothing to worry about and not a soul around who would see you, sources confirmed Tuesday that a large piece of chocolate cake was just sitting there and that you should go ahead and take it.
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Ohio Legalized Casinos

Voters in Ohio approved a plan to open casinos in the state's four largest cities. What do you think?
  • "This could really put Cincinnati on the map."

    Dianne Lovecraft Systems Analyst
  • "It sure would be nice to see Cleveland blossom into a modern-day Atlantic City."

    Richard Bloch Naphtha-Plant Treater
  • "I cannot abide it. It will bring vice to Columbus!"

    Noel Derelith Office Auditor

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