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Man Holding Hands With Pregnant Woman Must Have Weird Fetish

RED BANK, NJ—Testing the limits of what even the most progressive onlookers considered publicly acceptable, a man was seen by multiple witnesses Tuesday holding hands with a visibly pregnant woman in what many could only interpret as the expression of a bizarre fetish.
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Ohio May Need Recount

Polls in Ohio have shown a tight race for its crucial 18 electoral votes, leading many pundits to predict a statewide recount that could delay official tallies—and a clear victory in the presidential contest—until December. What do you think?

  • “I doubt that will happen. When has Ohio ever let us down?”

    Victor Samuel Haberdasher
  • “How could anyone focus on recounting all those ballots when the Bicycle Museum of America is right there?!”

    Lou Tudhope Scrap-Tire Shearer
  • “It’s a Christmas miracle!"

    Gracie Szkoda Unemployed

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