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‘The Princess Bride’ By The Numbers

‘The Princess Bride’ was released 30 years ago today, and it has since become a classic beloved by people of all ages. ‘The Onion’ looks back at ‘The Princess Bride’ 30 years later.

National Zoo Announces Giant Pandas To Divorce

WASHINGTON—Assuring the public that the decision was difficult but the right thing to do for all parties involved, the Smithsonian National Zoological Park announced Friday that their giant pandas would be divorcing.

New Climate Change Report Just List Of Years Each Country Becomes Uninhabitable

GENEVA—Stating that the data published within its pages represented the scientific consensus of top researchers around the world, the U.N. Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change released its annual report this week, which consists solely of an alphabetized list of every country on earth and the years each of them will become uninhabitable.
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Ohio Uses New Execution Method

The execution of Ohio murderer Kenneth Biros made use of an untested one-drug technique that is purportedly an improvement over the three-drug "cocktail" used in most lethal injections. What do you think?
  • "I don't know, I'd have to try it out first."

    Laura Beard Systems Analyst
  • "To make this a valid experiment, they need a control group of death row inmates they can inject with a placebo."

    Philip McFarland Radius Grinder
  • "Unless it killed the inmate faster or funnier, I don't see how it's an improvement."

    Werner Switzer Art Teacher

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