O.J. Confession Book Cancelled

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Cake Just Sitting There

Take It

CHICAGO—Assuring you that there was nothing to worry about and not a soul around who would see you, sources confirmed Tuesday that a large piece of chocolate cake was just sitting there and that you should go ahead and take it.

Where Your Political Donation Goes

With over $1 billion spent in the 2016 presidential race alone, campaign donations continue to cause much controversy and even confusion for their role in shaping politics. Here is a step-by-step guide to how the average American’s political donation travels through a campaign

Roommate Skulking Around Edge Of Party Like Victorian Ghost Child

SEATTLE—Appearing initially in the far corner of the living room and then several minutes later on the threshold between the kitchen and the hallway, local roommate Kelsey Stahl was, by multiple accounts, seen skulking around the edge of a house party Friday like a Victorian ghost child.

Fact-Checking The Third Presidential Debate

Presidential nominees Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump sparred over subjects including foreign policy, the economy, and their fitness to hold the nation’s highest office in the final debate Wednesday. The Onion examines the validity of their assertions

Man Praying Interviewer Doesn’t Ask Any Questions

MINNEAPOLIS—His mouth going dry and his palms growing sweaty as he arrived at the offices of Regent Advertising Partners to interview for an open account manager position, local man Devin McKee reportedly prayed Thursday that the hiring manager wouldn’t ask him any questions during their meeting.
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O.J. Confession Book Cancelled

After stirring up a cloud of controversy, Fox and ReganBooks parent company News Corp cancelled both publication of the O.J. Simpson book If I Did It and a televised interview with Simpson. What do you think?
  • "There go my stocking stuffers. What am I going to give to all my aunts and uncles, especially the ones who blatantly murdered their ex-wives?"

    Frank Rabin Wedding Officiant
  • "What does this mean for the future of Judith Regan's hypothetical memoir If I Tried To Crassly Exploit Tragedy, Here's How It Happened?"

    Karen Stein Receptionist
  • "Now that all this is cancelled, we might never see the conclusive proof we need that O.J. Simpson is the world's greatest crime-detail guesser."

    Oscar Mendoza Hat Blocker


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