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Biden Opts Out Of Putting Last Few Felonies On Job Application

WASHINGTON—Saying he would be “sitting pretty” if he landed such a primo gig, Vice President Joe Biden reportedly decided Tuesday to leave off several of his most recent felonies while filling out a job application for a blackjack dealer position at the Horseshoe Casino Baltimore.

Departing Bo Obama Lands K Street Lobbyist Position

WASHINGTON—Touting his lengthy tenure in the White House and close personal relationships with the president of the United States and first lady, executives at Brownstein Hyatt Farber Schreck announced Monday that once the current administration steps down later this week, the departing Bo Obama will officially join their high-powered K Street lobbying firm.
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Oklahoma Bill Would Ban Use Of Fetuses In Food

A bill introduced by Oklahoma state senator Ralph Shortey would prohibit the use of aborted fetuses in food products. What do you think?

  • "Do they realize how much it’ll cost me in gas money if I have to schlep all the way over to Arkansas just to eat a baby?"

    Laura Epstein Systems Analyst
  • "Sure, we don't want fetuses in our food now, but what if things change 10 years down the road?"

    Dennis Washington Guide Setter
  • “I’m going to miss those late-night runs to Aborto’s for their amazing fetus wings.”

    Christopher De LaBarre Unemployed

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