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Tips For Back-To-School Shopping

As kids prepare to go back to school, parents are tasked with providing all the supplies and clothes they’ll need for the year. Here are The Onion’s tips for tackling back-to-school shopping.

Report: Sky Normal Today

WASHINGTON—Informing citizens there really wasn’t anything special going on up there, the nation’s scientists confirmed the sky is normal today.
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Oklahoma Tornado Was Largest In U.S. History

The tornado that struck El Reno, OK last Friday was the widest tornado ever recorded at 2.6 miles in diameter, leaving a trail of destruction 16.2 miles long. What do you think?

  • “Come on, America. We can beat this record.”

    Rose Bromilow Oyster Bed Laborer
  • “No one believed me, but I knew that thing was going to be huge the second it became 2 miles wide.”

    Guy Tuerpe Systems Analyst
  • “A 16.2-mile path of destruction? Sounds like teenagers to me.”

    Antonio Paradiso Wood Buffer

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Report: Sky Normal Today

WASHINGTON—Informing citizens there really wasn’t anything special going on up there, the nation’s scientists confirmed the sky is normal today.

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