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Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 24, 2017

Aquarius No offense, but when got into this business, dealing with empty and meaningless futures like yours sure as hell wasn’t what it had in mind. Pisces Though you’ve been told that dressing up once in a while wouldn’t kill you, the coroner’s report this week will contain evidence to the contrary.

How Trump Plans To ‘Drain The Swamp’

One of Donald Trump’s central presidential campaign promises was to “drain the swamp” by ridding Washington politics of corruption and corporate influence. Here’s how he plans to do it.

Keys To The Matchup: Packers vs. Falcons

The NFC Championship Game pits the Atlanta Falcons against the Green Bay Packers for the rare chance to play a meaningful game in Houston. Onion Sports breaks down what each team must do to win.
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Oklahoma Tornado Was Largest In U.S. History

The tornado that struck El Reno, OK last Friday was the widest tornado ever recorded at 2.6 miles in diameter, leaving a trail of destruction 16.2 miles long. What do you think?

  • “Come on, America. We can beat this record.”

    Rose Bromilow Oyster Bed Laborer
  • “No one believed me, but I knew that thing was going to be huge the second it became 2 miles wide.”

    Guy Tuerpe Systems Analyst
  • “A 16.2-mile path of destruction? Sounds like teenagers to me.”

    Antonio Paradiso Wood Buffer

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