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Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

Infographic: 20 Years Of Netflix

Netflix was founded as an online DVD rental service in 1997 and has since evolved into a subscription-based streaming platform with its own slate of original programming. The Onion looks back at the most important moments in the company’s 20-year history.

Musical The Kind With Number About Putting On A Show

TALLAHASSEE, FL—Noting the increasingly animated choreography and behavior of the characters on stage, sources at the Tallahassee Community Theatre reported Friday that this is apparently the kind of musical with a big number about putting on a show.

What To Watch For In The New Obi-Wan Kenobi Film

Disney has announced they are in the early stages of developing a stand-alone ‘Star Wars’ film focused on the adventures of Jedi master Obi-Wan Kenobi. Here’s what fans can expect to see in the upcoming release.
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'Old Dogs' Opens Today

Old Dogs, starring John Travolta and Robin Williams, opens today. What do you think?
  • "They probably butchered the novel."

    Jane Partridge Mounting Inspector
  • "You left out the most important detail. Are there bloopers over the credits or not?"

    Eric Moulding Wood Buffer
  • "I can't wait! Me and my fishing buddies have opening-night tickets! I dropped my teenage daughters off at their mother's, turned off the BlackBerry, and just took a Flomax, so I should be able to make it through the whole movie."

    Darrin Gregory Systems Analyst

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