adBlockCheck

Recent News

Fermilab Receives Generous Anonymous Particle Donation

BATAVIA, IL—Calling it the most substantial private donation the research facility has received in years, officials at the Fermi National Accelerator Laboratory announced Monday that an anonymous benefactor had given them a generous particle donation.

God Excited About First Trip To Japan

THE HEAVENS—After years of talking about visiting the East Asian country, God, Our Lord and Heavenly Father, told reporters Monday that He was excited to finally be taking His first trip to Japan.
End Of Section
  • More News

Oldest Human Poop Discovered In Spain

Archaeologists working at an ancient campsite in Alicante, Spain discovered a pile of poop left by Neanderthals 50,000 years ago, which revealed that they were not strict carnivores as previously believed, but also ate plant matter. What do you think?

  • “This is what passes as news? A revelatory glimpse at the diet of our earliest ancestors?”

    Chris Straley Form Processor
  • “Fecal matter at campsites? Thank God we evolved out of doing that.”

    Barry Conover Stationary Designer
  • “Are they going to put the poop in a museum so freaks like me can come see it or not?”

    Marie Westin Registrar

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close