ON AGGRESSIVE SPORTS AGENTS

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Content From 2005-11-03

Dems Force Closed Senate

Minority Leader Harry Reid called for a private Senate session Tuesday to demand an investigation into pre-war intelligence handling. What do...

New Corporate Responsibility Laws

Several recent bills have passed that absolve corporations of liability if consumers are harmed by their products, and President Bush is expected to sign them into law. What are some details of similar proposed legislation?

There's A Nude Sheriff In Town

Howdy, pardners. The name's Gunderson. Sheriff Bill Gunderson. You might remember me from the unattirin' at Black Gulch or the full moon at high...

This So Typical Of Hemophiliac

TEMPE, AZ—Friends of Joshua Melman agreed Monday that the behavior displayed at the WildSlide Waterpark Sunday was "utterly typical" of the...

Iraqi Constitution Ratified, Burned

BAGHDAD—The people of Iraq celebrated the passage of their new constitution Monday, in a formal ceremony that included a stirring speech by Iraqi President Jalal Talabani, a series of explosions that left 77 dead, and a traditional dance performed by Iraqi schoolchildren. After many weeks of squabbling and protracted negotiations between Kurds, Sunnis, and Shiites, the historic document was declared the law of the land and destroyed...

Alito Nominated

President Bush nominated conservative Judge Samuel Alito as a replacement for Justice Sandra Day O’Connor on the Supreme Court. What do you...

FBI Probe Problems

Recent analysis of FBI documents indicates that the bureau has abused its powers of surveillance since Sept. 11th, 2001. What do you think?
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  • Night Out Consecrated With Opening Exchange Of High-Fives

    CHARLOTTE, NC—Kicking off the evening with their customary expression of excitement and camaraderie, a group of friends reportedly consecrated their night out on the town Friday with a ceremonial opening exchange of high-fives.

Comfort

  • The Onion’s Guide To Beach Etiquette

    The arrival of summer means that the nation’s beaches will soon be crowded with swimmers, tanners, surfers, and more, so it’s important for everyone to be conscious of each other’s space and needs. Here are some etiquette tips to ensure that everyone has a safe and relaxing time at the beach:

ON AGGRESSIVE SPORTS AGENTS

  • “I think it’s awful for sports when athletes earn $3.6 million per year for what’s clearly $2.2 million worth of talent.”


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