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Content From 2005-10-13

Hockey's New Rules

The NHL recently returned from a yearlong strike with a long list of new on-ice rules designed to make games higher-scoring and more exciting. What are the most important changes?

'Ditka' Chicago Man's Answer To Everything

SCHAUMBURG, IL—Almost 20 years after Mike Ditka led Chicago to their only Super Bowl victory, lifelong Chicago resident Dave Johannes continues to suggest the beloved former Bears coach and current hair-gel and erectile-dysfunction-medicine endorser as the solution to every problem of which he is personally aware.

The FBI And Pot

The FBI is considering relaxing their strict standards for past marijuana use among prospective agents. What do you think?

October 10, 1991

Supreme Court Nominee Clarence Thomas: 'The Ass-Slapping Was Never Done In An Inappropriate Manner'

Remains Of Al-Qaeda

U.S. officials say that their forces in Iraq have killed Abu Azzam, the No. 2 operative of al-Qaeda. What remains of the international terrorist network?

I Guess I Got A Girlfriend

Hola amigos. What's shakin'? I know it's been a long time since I rapped at ya, but the waters are not always smooth in Lake Anchower. The brakes...

Bush To Appoint Someone To Be In Charge Of Country

WASHINGTON, DC—In response to increasing criticism of his handling of the war in Iraq and the disaster in the Gulf Coast, as well as other issues, such as Social Security reform, the national deficit, and rising gas prices...

Iraq War Vets With PTSD

Thousands of Iraq war veterans with post-traumatic stress disorder say the U.S. Army isn't providing them with adequate treatment. What do you...
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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  • Night Out Consecrated With Opening Exchange Of High-Fives

    CHARLOTTE, NC—Kicking off the evening with their customary expression of excitement and camaraderie, a group of friends reportedly consecrated their night out on the town Friday with a ceremonial opening exchange of high-fives.

On Aggressive Sports Parents

  • "It’s one thing to want your kid to fulfill the dreams you couldn’t achieve, but it’s another thing altogether to chain him to the wall and make him read The Science Of Hitting until his eyes bleed."

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