On Disarray In The UCLA Men's Basketball Program

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Vol 48 Issue 11

Still Some Nutella Left In Jar, Reports Depression

TIGARD, OR—Citing the fact that having another spoonful or two wasn't going to make much of a difference at this point anyway, a crippling bout of clinical depression reported Tuesday there was definitely still some Nutella left in that jar. 

Children's Stair Injuries Down Nearly 12%

A study from Nationwide Children's Hospital in Columbus, OH reports that, while a child is hospitalized every six minutes with a stair-related injury, the number of incidences has fallen to 11.6 percent since 1999.

In Over Your Head

We're talking $1,310 a month for the next 30 years of your life—that's until 2042 and doesn't even begin to include property taxes.
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On Disarray In The UCLA Men's Basketball Program

  • "Still, that program could enslave a dozen or so human beings and still be the least reprehensible institution in L.A."


  • "It's tough to run a program when you always have John Wooden looking over your shoulder, and it's even tougher when the drugs make you hallucinate that he's trying to eat your flesh."


  • "Oh, like a college basketball program? In L.A.?"


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