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The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:

A Timeline Of The EPA

A recently introduced House bill that would dissolve the Environmental Protection Agency questions the value of what this agency does and what its goals are. The Onion provides a timeline of the EPA’s 47-year history:
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On Jennifer Capriati's 1994 Arrest For Marijuana Possession

  • “Tennis can be pretty stressful for people who take it seriously as opposed to treating it as the silly game that it is.”

  • “Oh my god, am I back in 1994? I need to tell Jessica Warnick that I love her!”

  • "You know that when I said I needed to think about it and told you to ask me again in 17 years I was joking, right?"

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