On Jennifer Capriati's 1994 Arrest For Marijuana Possession

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Vol 47 Issue 22

Point Of Story Apparently That Man Ate At Restaurant

ELYSBURG, PA—Friends of 33-year-old Dan Leski were subjected Tuesday to a detailed account of his recent visit to a restaurant, the sole point of which was apparently to communicate the fact that Leski had eaten food and then paid for it.

Educated Bigot That Much More Terrifying

FAYETTEVILLE, AR—After arguing with a well-read, articulate racist Wednesday, area man Daniel Truett described the experience as "bone-chilling," telling reporters it was far scarier than any encounter with an ignorant bigot ever could hav...
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On Jennifer Capriati's 1994 Arrest For Marijuana Possession

  • “Tennis can be pretty stressful for people who take it seriously as opposed to treating it as the silly game that it is.”


  • “Oh my god, am I back in 1994? I need to tell Jessica Warnick that I love her!”


  • "You know that when I said I needed to think about it and told you to ask me again in 17 years I was joking, right?"


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