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The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:

A Timeline Of The EPA

A recently introduced House bill that would dissolve the Environmental Protection Agency questions the value of what this agency does and what its goals are. The Onion provides a timeline of the EPA’s 47-year history:
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On Ken Griffey, Jr. Retiring

  • "Talk about a player defined by his image: backward hat, showing off those pearly whites, screaming and writhing on the ground in pain."

  • "It's too bad that he decided to call it quits with a 3-2 count."

  • "How can you blow a call like that? Galarraga had him out by more than a step!"

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